News Spoof

Hodgson slammed over decision to omit Daventry 5-a-side league’s top scorer

Hodgson announces Euro 2012 squad

As football fans all over the country took turns in criticising the omission of their club’s players from England’s Euro 2012 squad, friends of Steve Harris, who has scored 228 goals in his local 5-a-side league, have slammed the decision to overlook the in-form striker.

“The four strikers in t…

Rebekah Brooks faces trial by ducking stool

Rebekah Brooks trial

Amidst claims that her arrest is part of a witch hunt, it has been revealed that Rebekah Brooks will face trial by ducking stool.

With drowning indicating innocence and floating being a sure sign of guilt, Brooks’ legal team are pinning their hopes on her being able to breathe through her arse as w…

McCanns given fresh hope Maddie is alive after Derek Acorah claims she is dead

Psychic derek acorah bullshit

The parents of Madeleine McCann have been given the clearest indication yet that their daughter might be alive after psychic Derek Acorah claimed that his spirit guide told him ‘She’s not on this earth any more’.

The TV medium is coincidentally promoting an upcoming tour in which he will conv…

@Joey7Barton in fresh assault on Twitter servers

Joey Barton Twitter

Joey Barton was in the custody of Californian State police last night after launching a prolonged and vicious assault on Twitter Inc’s main Java server.

The QPR midfielder reportedly ‘lost his cool’ after receiving a ‘Twitter is Over Capacity’ message on his iPhone, accompanied by a picture of a …

Campaign calls for home-brewing to be added to Scottish school curriculum

Scottish alcohol pricing at 50p per unit

As plans were unveiled for a minimum 50p charge per unit of alcohol in Scotland, residents have insisted that in return they’d like home-brewing to become a key skill for all young Scots.

The price move is seen as a way of combating the desire of Scottish people to drink to the point where they…

Oddities

Sniffer dog nabs smuggler hiding heroin in rectum

AUSTIN, Texas (Reuters) - A man who tried to smuggle heroin into the United States concealed in his rectum was caught by U.S. officials - with the help of a drug-sniffer dog named Malone - as he walked across the border from Mexico.

Paris exotic dancers strike, say wages "miserable"

PARIS (Reuters) - Topless dancers at the renowned Crazy Horse night club in Paris have gone on strike, saying they are not being paid enough to take the shirts off their backs.

Jubilee biscuits set to sell like hot cakes

May 15 - Diamond Jubilee biscuits are expected to be in high demand over the coming weeks as the UK gears up to celebrate 60 years of the reign of Queen Elizabeth II. Tara Cleary reports.

TV has gone to the dogs

May 15 - Dog TV says it offers "a new breed of television" to entertain our canine companions. Tara Cleary reports.

Turks take bird for Israeli spy

Villagers in south-eastern Turkey sound the alarm after mistaking a migratory bird - a common European bee-eater - for an Israeli spy.

'Terror' croc shot in Australia

Rangers in Australia's Northern Territory on Tuesday shoot dead a saltwater crocodile that had developed a taste for dogs and other oddities, local media report.

Who hates cilantro? Study aims to find out

Featurepics.com

To a very vocal online contingent, cilantro is the very worst.

On "I Hate Cilantro" websites and Facebook pages they gripe that the herb tastes like soap, mold, or dirt. Cilantro haters not only despise its flavor, they also detest its smell. Stories in publications …

Waking a sleepwalker is totally safe -- for them

Wake up, folks: There is no health risk in rousing a sleepwalker from their somnambulistic stroll. Well, no risk to them, anyway. You, on the other hand, might suffer a swift, roundhouse kick to the dome.

Long-repeated medical myths have held that if you forcibly snap a sleepwalker back…

World's tallest LEGO tower built in South Korea

A team of 4,000 children have built the world's tallest LEGO tower in South Korea using an impressive 500,000 colored bricks.Built to celebrate the 80th anniversary of LEGO, the mega-construction - which used a cross formation at the base for stability - even required a hydraulic platform…

Designer beds created for pampered cats and dogs

It's no secret that some pet owners spoil their animals, whether it's giving them the best food, constant belly rubs or £1,200 beds to sleep in … wait what?A range of designer pet beds has gone on sale for pampered pooches and pussy cats which are made by master cabinetmakers and cost mor…

SHOCKING 'Dead Man Walking' Story

Santiago Carrasco brings a whole new meaning to the term "dead man walking."

Carrasco and his wife Rosa pleaded guilty Tuesday to faking Santiago's death in order to obtain death benefits, confirmed Matt Lockhart, a prosecutor for the Orange County District Attorney's Office.

"They were …

Stuart Claxton: The Boy Who Landed Skateboarding's First 1080

He may only be 12 years old, but Tom Schaar from Malibu, California is already big news within the world of skateboarding.

2012-05-16-Tom.JPG


A heady few weeks has seen the youngster achieve one of the "holy grails" of the sport, by becoming the first person ever to perform a '1080' (three full rotations …

DC Carjackers Foiled By Stick Shift

Police in Washington, D.C., were searching Sunday for two would-be carjackers who abandoned the vehicle they stole because they couldn't drive a stick shift.

Study: Location Affects Life Longevity

New data released from the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation showed that Marin County -- a famous bastion of Bay Area liberalism -- had the longest life expectancy of any US county for men, at 81.6 years, and the second-longest for women, at 85.1 years.

NewsPuke

Nerdlinger

Great Tips To Protect Your Mobiles And Computer Online

There are many measures and tips all over the internet to protect your system. With the online computer protection software, anyone keep their computer safe and keep away from the range of bad people such as hackers or unauthorized data access. Here are some of the safety tips that can save your iPhone and computer from online hazards :

1. Protect your system- using Passwords Without a password, all your iPhone and computer data is easy prey for thieves. If you left your phone unattended for some brief time, anyone can rummage through your messages, address books, emails and explore your calendar or stored data. To protect your iPhone you can use your phones pass code.

2. Be Alert and Attentive Sites such as Google, yahoo and Bing are often proactive in protecting your safety online. They annually spend millions on the online protection technology to display important warnings. Give attention to the signs and symbols developed by the tech experts to make you aware about the websites like https://. Always use your common sense while surfing you encounter with these warnings and symbols. If it is suspicious think twice before clicking.

3. Install strong Firewalls and virus protection softwareIt is very hard to find a computer system these days without a pre-installed firewall. Firewall is the safe guard which provides a safety against malicious malware, virus and Trojans. Moreover use ‘Online protection system’ for your iPhone and computer system.

If you’re like me, you’re addicted to your smartphone, tablet, maybe even your laptop. What is your best tip for keeping all of your devices protected? Comment below and you’ll be entered to win a $400 Amazon gift card from Kaspersky Lab.

One way to protect all of your devices is with Kaspersky ONE Universal Security. Download your FREE trial today.
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Kaspersky. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Sweepstakes Rules.If you’re like me, you’re addicted to your smartphone, tablet, maybe even your laptop. What is your best tip for keeping all of your devices secure? Comment below and you’ll be entered to win a $400 Amazon gift card from Kaspersky Lab.
One way to protect all of your devices is with Kaspersky ONE Universal Security. Download your FREE trial today.
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Kaspersky. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Sweepstakes Rules.
If you’re like me, you’re addicted to your smartphone, tablet, maybe even your laptop. What is your best tip for keeping all of your devices secure? Comment below and you’ll be entered to win a $400 Amazon gift card from Kaspersky Lab.
One way to protect all of your devices is with Kaspersky ONE Universal Security. Download your FREE trial today.
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Kaspersky. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Sweepstakes Rules.

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of KasperskyLab. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Sweepstakes Rules.

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Bizarre News

Canadian says she slept with disgraced U.S. agent: Report

The sex-and-booze scandal that embarrassed the U.S. Secret Service has reached Canada in light of allegations by an unnamed woman that she had an affair with disgraced former agent Arthur Huntington.

Bees take over car at Ont. dealership

Normally found in hives, a swarm of bees have decided to make an orange Dodge Caliber their new home.

Bayonet, sword seized during drug raid

A rifle with a bayonet was just one of the peculiar weapons seized by police during a drug raid Monday night.

Diamond still inside man who swallowed it: Cops

An X-ray shows a man who swallowed a $20,000 diamond still has the stone in his body, police say.

Man told lawn ornaments too distracting for drivers

For 10 years, whirly gigs have adorned the lawn surrounding an apartment building.

Husband chopped up wife's shoes: Cops

A local man is accused of assaulting his wife and cutting up her shœs, police say.

BBC News

Union concern over new fire vans

Plans to replace some fire engines with specially-adapted smaller vans in mid and south west Wales could put lives at risk, warns a union.

VIDEO: Glencore and Xstrata merger deal

The BBC's Aaron Heslehurst on the merger between Glencore and Xstrata - and BP's rising profits.

Gold climbs to new record price

The price of gold climbs to a new record price of $1,610 an ounce as debt concerns in the US and Europe persist.

VIDEO: Eurozone: What do the markets want?

The BBC's Aaron Heslehurst on whether the recent EU deal is enough to reassure investors - and a report on the failure of the Royal Bank of Scotland.

London Market Report

London Market Report

VIDEO: Fire service vans prompt concern

Plans to replace some fire engines with specially-adapted smaller vans in mid and south west Wales could put lives at risk, warns the Fire Brigades Union (FBU).

Substation fire treated as arson

Police are treating as arson a fire at an electricity substation which caused power cuts for 1,200 customers.

VIDEO: Round-up - news from around Scotland

A two-minute round-up of the news which has been happening around Scotland.

VIDEO: Should Saif Gaddafi be tried in Libya?

Libya has asked the International Criminal Court to abandon its legal action against Saif al-Islam Gaddafi, so he can be tried in Tripoli.

New faces on Tory 1922 committee

Conservative backbenchers elect the executive body of their influential 1922 committee, with newer MPs regarded as being more supportive of the coalition gaining ground.

Baby lamppost death accidental

The death of an 11-month-old baby killed by a falling lamppost was accidental, a jury rules.

Hole in bank's wall after raid

A bank in Norfolk is left with a gaping hole in its wall as raiders use a digger to rip out a cash machine.

Judge criticises boy-killer care

A judge criticises the "wholly inadequate" care given to a mentally ill man who stabbed a 15-year-old boy to death in north London.

Deadly bug outbreaks 'falling'

Scotland's top doctor reassures the public that cases of the potentially fatal norovirus have been falling, despite an outbreak linked to four deaths.

Two more norovirus patients die

Another two patients being treated for diarrhoea and vomiting at the Royal Alexandra Hospital in Paisley die.

fook fm

News in Pictures

Day in pictures: 16 May 2012

24 hours of news photos: 16 May 2012

Day in pictures: 15 May 2012

24 hours of news photos: 15 May 2012

In Pictures: Jubilee pageant

The Diamond Jubilee Pageant at Windsor Castle

Dinosaurs launch city festival

Norwich Festival of music and art

Week in pictures: 5-11 May 2012

News photos from around the world

In pictures: Silverstone Classic press day

Cars and stars on show ahead of this year's event

Day in pictures: 11 May 2012

24 hours of news photos: 11 May

Your pictures: Cycling

Snow and summer rides

Your pictures: Postal service

Letters and bikes

Your pictures: Poland

Krakow, Torun and Gdansk

Your pictures: Fields

Corn and croquet

Your pictures: Spring

Bunnies and boxing hares

Your pictures: Wood

Planks and pencils

Your pictures: France

Sunshine and snails

Manchester City fans celebrate title win

Manchester City fans celebrate winning the Premier League